Writing for Healing

Check out this book that we used for today's workshop!

Resources for Bullet Journaling

Supplies

Here are some supplies to help you on your Bullet Journal Journey!  I want to stress that you do NOT need any of this stuff.  A notebook and a pen or pencil work just fine.

Journals

Pens

Journal Pen Holder by Rhonda

Email Rhonda at yogarhonda@gmail.com to order your pen holder!

Decals

By Daisy Yoga Designs

   

Email Rhonda at yogarhonda@gmail.com to order your personalized decal!

Stencils

 

Books

Articles/Podcast

• Chris Guillebeau, Side Hustle School Podcast
• Chris Guillebeau, 2017 Annual Review: How to Evaluate Your Life Even When You’re Feeling Sad (2017) 
• Chris Guillebeau, How to Conduct Your Own Annual Review (2008)
• Christine Kane, How to Make a Vision Board (2007) 

Why I Focus on Yoga Therapy for People with Chronic Pain

In the spring of 2008, I lost a dear friend BJ to suicide after a long battle with opiate addiction after a knee injury. 

 

In the summer of 2017, I lost my friend Chris to addiction and overdose.

These were my first friends on this planet and they are both dead.  They knew me longer than anyone outside of my family and they are gone from this world.  Just gone.

My sister, Jennifer is a heroin addict.  This addiction continues to hurt her children who are now mostly grown, but still struggle to this day because of the mother her addiction made her become.

My friend's husband became addicted to opiates from pain due to his work.  When the doctors stopped prescribing them, he began stealing them and they almost lost everything when he was found out.  He went into treatment and is clean to this day.

These people had normal childhoods, great parents, careers, and promising futures.  Most of them started opiates because they were in pain.

Even though studies (such as the one sited in this article) show that opioids are not more effective for chronic pain than other drugs, doctors seem to be handing them out like candy.  Opioids are highly addictive.  The largest increase in opiate overdoses are among middle aged men (CDC).

"A 2006 survey, evaluated the impact that chronic pain had on 303 chronic pain sufferers who sought care from their physician and were currently using an opioid to treat their pain.  More than half of respondents (51%) felt they had little or no control over their pain.  Six out of ten patients (60%) said they experience breakthrough pain one or more times daily, severely impacting their quality of life and overall well-being."

"Almost two-thirds (59%) reported an impact on their overall enjoyment of life.

• More than three quarters of patients (77%) reported feeling depressed.
• 70% said they have trouble concentrating.
• 74% said their energy level is impacted by their pain.
• 86% reported an inability to sleep well.

"In 2011, at least 100 million adult Americans have common chronic pain conditions, a conservative estimate because it does not include acute pain or children." 

• Pain is a significant public health problem that costs society at least $560-$635 billion annually (an amount equal to about $2,000.00 for everyone living in the U.S.). (20)
• In 2008 the cost to federal and state governments of medical expenditures for pain was $99 billion. (20)
• Recent Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and National Center for Health Statistics (NCHS) data suggest substantial rates of pain from the various causes and that most people in chronic pain have multiple sites of pain. For U.S. adults reporting pain, causes include: severe headache or migraine (16.1%), low back pain (28.1%), neck pain (15.1%), knee pain (19.5%), shoulder pain (9.0%), finger pain (7.6%), and hip pain (7.1%). (21)

"Overdose deaths involving opioid pain relievers (OPR) have increased and now exceed deaths involving heroin and cocaine combined."

• Prescription painkiller overdoses killed nearly 15,000 people in the US in 2008. This is more than 3 times the 4,000 people killed by these drugs in 1999.
• In 2010, about 12 million Americans (age 12 or older) reported nonmedical use of prescription painkillers in the past year.
• One in 20 people in the United States, ages 12 and older, used prescription painkillers nonmedically (without a prescription or just for the "high" they cause) in 2010.
• Nearly half a million emergency department visits in 2009 were due to people misusing or abusing prescription painkillers.
• Sales of OPR quadrupled between 1999 and 2010. Enough OPR were prescribed last year to medicate every American adult with a standard pain treatment dose of 5 mg of hydrocodone (Vicodin and others) taken every 4 hours for a month.
• Nonmedical use of prescription painkillers costs health insurers up to $72.5 billion annually in direct health care costs.

Certain groups are more likely to abuse or overdose on prescription painkillers:

• Many more men than women die of overdoses from prescription painkillers.
• Middle-aged adults have the highest prescription painkiller overdose rates.
• People in rural counties are about two times as likely to overdose on prescription painkillers as people in big cities.
• Whites and American Indian or Alaska Natives are more likely to overdose on prescription painkillers.
• About 1 in 10 American Indian or Alaska Natives age 12 or older used prescription painkillers for nonmedical reasons in the past year, compared to 1 in 20 whites and 1 in 30 blacks." (article)

Mindfulness works better than Opiodes!
In March of 2016, a study comparing mindfulness and yoga (MBSR) showed that mindfulness and yoga were nearly twice as effective in treating chronic pain symptoms and related depression than the usual treatment.  Another study released that same month, showed that mindfulness meditation works on a different pathway than opioids.  So mindfulness meditation and yoga can help people with chronic AND improve their lives without the nasty side-effects of opiates.

This is my inspiration!  If I can help people to feel better in their bodies before they become addicted to opiates, then maybe I can help prevent another Chris or another BJ.  Maybe I can help one person learn to heal themselves using the power of their own mind and body rather than turning to drugs. Maybe I can make a difference. 

Do you know someone in chronic pain who wants to avoid the pitfalls of opioids?  I can help!  Click here to find out more!

Meditation Coloring Books

Psychologists have found that coloring has the same benefits as other types of meditation! 

Art meditation is wonderful and fun!  The more you enjoy an activity, the more likely you are to keep doing it.  If you enjoy coloring, you will meditate that way more often.

Here are some great coloring books to consider!  Click on the picture for more information or to purchase from Amazon.

  

  

  


This last one is a Zentangle, but it's good so I decided to include it!



In the comments below, please tell me about your favorite adult coloring book.

2016: My Year of Letting Go

As this year comes to a close, and I look back over what I've learned and accomplished, one theme stands out: Letting Go.  Not that I'm done learning to let go; attachment to people, things, and thoughts has been a struggle for me for many years. But this year, I took control. I sought out skills and teachers. I got help in learning to let go. And it worked! I feel more free, less afraid, more calm, and less anxious. My life is better now than it was at this time last year because I'm practicing the art (and science) of letting go!

At the beginning of 2016, I started an online course on Daily Om called "A Year to Clear What is Holding You Back."  I did over half of the daily clearing exercises until I felt I was ready to move on. This program focuses on the emotional attachment to stuff, which leads to clutter.  I have an attachment to papers.  There is still a pile of papers on my counter.  Although, the program didn't help me get rid of my current pile of papers, it did help me get rid of the pile that had been there for years and my attachment to it.  This new pile is because I've stopped the 1 minute daily clearing ritual, which I clearly need to begin again!

This year, I also started seeing a therapist.  Deborah has been amazing for me!  I firmly believe that every human should have a therapist.  We all need a person to talk to who doesn't judge us, who gives us sound advice when we need it, and who is always there (as long as we make an appointment) when we need them.  This seems like an inalienable right!

I started seeing Deborah when I was getting ready to leave for a yoga therapy training and I was becoming so anxious that I wasn't functioning well and was considering cancelling my non-refundable trip.  I said, "The timing for this trip is terrible.  J is in trouble at school and I'm the only one who can handle him.  My family needs me!"  Deborah said, "I think the timing is perfect."  I didn't agree.  But I went.

And she was right.  The timing was perfect!

My family was fine without me for two weeks, which was both bitter and sweet. My husband and J's teachers were able to get J back on track.  The kids made it to school every day on their own.  Shane provided mostly healthy dinners for the family and was home to help with homework and go to games.  I was glad to know they could handle life without me, but doesn't that mean I'm unnecessary? Replaceable?  

This was part of my letting go this year.  My family proved that they could handle things without me, but they also made it clear that they preferred having me home.  I was able to let go of some of the things I had been doing for them like waking them up or making sure they were ready on time.  They could do that on their own.  This meant that I had time to meditate and write in my journal in the morning!  This process has helped us all grow!  

I also got to let go of the idea that I'm the only one who can handle J.  Shane did just fine without my input.  He's a great dad!  His teachers also handled the situation without me.  This meant that I could go to more trainings and know that J would be okay.  It also meant that he's one step closer to being the independent adult we'd like him to be.

After I returned from my training and saw Deborah for a few sessions, I spoke with her about my phone phobia.  I am trying to build a yoga business, but I struggled to answer the phone when I didn't recognize the number or when certain people who I felt were unpredictable were calling.  I knew that this was brought on by a particular trauma.  Deborah recommended EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprogramming).  It sounded awful "woo woo" to me, but I was desperate so I told her I'd consider it.

In the meantime, I attended a training in Chicago on using yoga techniques to help people with anxiety. This training was amazing!  The trainer mentioned eye focusing as a technique for calming anxiety.  I asked about the connection to this and EMDR.  She became quite excited and the class discussed EMDR briefly.  Afterwards, another trainee told me about her experience with EMDR and how it helped her social anxiety.  I decided to look into it more and by the time I arrived home a week later, I was ready to try.

 It took Deborah and I three sessions to process this first trauma.  It went quite smoothly!  (I will go into the details of my experience with EMDR in another blog post.)  At first, I still felt nervous when answering the phone, but I was able to make myself do it.  With more time and with positive phone experiences, it became easier and easier.  Now I can answer the phone right away!  I only get anxious when it's my ex-husband calling, but even that is more manageable.

Since I was able to let go of the trauma that caused my phone anxiety, I decided that I wanted to try an older, more traumatic issue.  I was raped during my freshman year of college at a fraternity party in 1990.  I was 18.  More than 25 years later, this event still seemed to affect me.  Years of talk therapy and healing helped, but that rape was still part of my daily life. I honestly didn't realize the extent of how much it affected me until after I finished this second round of EMDR.

The second trauma took 4-5 sessions to process. (I am told it usually takes many more sessions.)  I almost didn't go back after the first session.  It was awful!  I had nightmares and flashbacks worse than before.  I avoided being touched at all.  I felt anxious all the time.  It was almost unmanageable.

After a heart to heart with my husband, I decided to go back for another session.  I had started this round of EMDR for a reason and I couldn't keep feeling the way I was, so I figured the best thing to do was finish it.  It definitely was!

When I went back, we spent a whole session talking about how I was feeling.  We didn't do any EMDR that session, but it was part of the process.  This talking helped me immensely.  I needed to talk about all the feelings I thought I had let go of years ago.  I needed to talk about how I was being affected.  And mostly, I needed to hear that it was normal, that it was all part of the process.

When I went to therapy the third time, we started back to EMDR.  I was scared, but I tried to be courageous.  I got frustrated that the feelings I felt in my body didn't seem to be leaving. (I'll explain this more in the next blog).  It just seemed to get stuck at my throat and it didn't completely go away when I left therapy.  I didn't like it, but it was manageable.  So I went back.

The EMDR worked!  I have now had sex (awesome, mind blowing sex) with my husband many times and I'VE HAD NO FLASHBACKS! None!  Zero! There has been no crying afterwards.  No yucky feelings.  It's just pleasant and yummy sex with the man I love!  Sex rocks!

So, my therapist Deborah and EMDR helped me to let go of two traumas.  One that was holding me back professionally and one that was holding me back privately!

My life is better than it was a year ago.  I have let go of pain and trauma.  I have let go of control and attachment.  2016, the year of letting go, has brought me closer to the real me.  I am love!



What did you learn in 2016?  What has helped you to get where you are now? My sister shared this poem http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/02/she-let-go/ about letting go with me today. What can you let go of that's not serving you today?

Kids with Anxiety Part 5: Relaxation

Initiating Relaxation

The key to overcoming anxiety is to learn to initiate relaxation.  Sometimes being quiet and still can be difficult for kids, but for those with anxiety, it can be even more of a challenge.  In this blog, I'll focus on a tool called yoga nidra, which is a deep relaxation.

We start the relaxation response by breathing, as I discussed in Part 1.  Movement often helps kids with anxiety.  Some helpful yoga poses were covered in Part 2.  Relaxation is different from the other meditation we discussed in Part 3.  In that meditation, we were trying to help the child to focus, while in relaxation, we're trying to help the child to let go.  Gratitude (Part 4) is both a tool for changing the way the mind thinks and something to focus on, as well.  This blog focuses on total relaxation (yoga nidra).  Ideally, a person in yoga nidra is neither fully awake nor fully asleep, but it's really okay if the child falls asleep.  In fact, I see it as a compliment when students fall asleep.  It means I have helped them to truly relax and that they trust me enough to completely let go.

In order for children to relax completely, they must feel comfortable and safe. Then, they can begin to draw attention to specific parts of their bodies and hopefully relax them.  Since the mind is busy concentrating on specific parts of the body, it can't be worrying.  As the body relaxes, so does the mind!

5 Parts of Yoga Nidra

This basic yoga nidra includes five parts: breath focus, body scan, rotation of consciousness, journey, and return.  The breath focus is similar to what we did in Part 1.  The body scan is a quick release of tension throughout the body.  The rotation of consciousness is a fancy term for a very slow, very specific body scan.  We ask the child to bring his attention to each part of his body, one at a time.  The journey is a description using all of the senses.  In our example at the end, we have an open-ended description of a place the child feels safe in.  The journey can describe anything, but it's important that it's a place the child enjoys and feels safe.  The return is when we bring the child back into the room and the present moment.  A basic yoga nidra script is included at the end of this post.

Getting Comfy

Begin by having your child lay comfortably on her back on the floor or bed.  If she has an eye pillow, she may want to place it across her eyes or forehead.  Her back may feel more relaxed if a pillow is placed under her knees.  If she's comfortable, it's best not to have a pillow under her head.  Ask her to close her eyes or lower her gaze. Remind her that she always has a choice.

Advanced Yoga Nidra

You can extend the length of the rotation of consciousness as the child learns to relax for longer periods of time.  You can extend the pauses between body parts by waiting 1-3 breaths before naming the next part.  You can also be more detailed with the parts you name.  For example, instead of just saying "ear," you could say, "ear lobe, the folds of the ear, the inner ear, the sounds coming in your ear." You can also extend the journey to include more detail.  For this blog, the script will be basic and best for beginners.

Yoga Nidra Script

Move in any way that will make you a little more comfortable.  We are going to start Yoga Nidra.  This activity will help you relax.  If you can, try to stay awake.

(Breath Focus) Think about your breath.  Notice how it feels as it comes in your knows, travels down your throat, and fills up your chest.  Maybe you feel your belly get bigger too.  Then feel the air as it goes out.  Your belly and chest relax as the air leaves your lungs and travels back up your throat and out your nose.  (pause)  Feel your breath come in (pause) and go out (pause for several breaths).

(Body Scan) Slowly think about each part of the front of your body, starting at the top of your head, and relax it.  Your face (pause), your chest (pause), your belly (pause), your arms (pause), and your legs (pause).  When you get to your feet, begin think about the back of your body and relax it.  Your legs (pause), your bottom (pause), your back (pause), your arms (pause), your neck (pause), the back of your head (pause).  Relax your whole body (pause for several breaths).

(Rotation of Consciousness) Think about the top of your head (pause).  The spot where your head touches the mat (floor or pillow) (pause).  Your forehead (pause), your eyes (pause), your nose (pause), your cheeks (pause), one ear (pause), the other ear (pause), your mouth (pause), your chin (pause).  Your whole face (pause).  Your whole head (pause).

Think about your neck (pause), your chest (pause), your belly (pause).  Think about your upper back (pause), your middle back (pause), your lower back (pause).  Think about your right shoulder (pause), your right arm (pause), right hand (pause), your fingers (pause).  Your whole right arm (pause). Think about your left shoulder (pause), your left arm (pause), left hand (pause), your fingers (pause).  Your whole left arm (pause).

Think about your right hip (pause), leg (pause), foot (pause), toes (pause).  Your whole right leg (pause). Your left hip (pause), leg (pause), foot (pause), toes (pause). Your whole left leg (pause). Your whole body (pause).  Your whole body together (pause).

Let your body feel heavy like it's sinking down into the mat, down into the floor (pause).  Relax (pause).  Feel heavy. (pause for a few breaths)

(Journey) Think about a place where you feel safe and comfortable (pause).  Picture this place in your head (pause).  Try to use all of your senses to make this place really clear in your mind (pause).  Imagine what you would see in this place (pause).  Imagine what you would smell (pause), what textures you might feel (pause).  Imagine what you might taste in this place (pause) and the sounds you might hear (pause).  If you want, you can imagine yourself walking around in your safe place (pause).  Maybe you are picking things up and looking at them (pause).  Maybe you are just resting there (pause).  Whatever you are doing, you feel safe and secure in this place (longer pause).

Remember that you can come back to your safe place any time you need to (pause).  It is always there for you (longer pause).  

(Return)  Begin to take deeper breaths (pause).  Bring yourself back into this room, the real room that you are in (pause).  Wiggle your fingers and toes (pause).  Stretch in any way that feels good to you (pause).  Roll on to one side for a moment and begin to notice the light in the room (pause).  Push yourself up to a comfortable seat (pause).  Thank you for allowing me to lead you in yoga nidra today.  The light within me honors the light within you.  Namaste.

Thank you!

Have you tried Yoga Nidra before?  How did you feel afterwards?  Did you try this script with your child?  What did they think of it? I'd love to hear from you!

Kids with Anxiety Part 4: Gratitude

Studies have shown the power of gratitude to combat negative thought patterns and reshape the brain.  Your brain can't be in gratitude and worry at the same time, so gratitude is a great way to overcome anxiety.

But, how do you teach an anxious kid to replace negative, repetitive thoughts with gratitude?

Here are three easy ways!

1.  Family Meal Gratitude Rituals

www.amandarosewellness.com/blog/2014/gratitudeexercises

Studies show that children who have healthy, daily rituals function better in the world.  Many families say a prayer before meals.  If your family already does this, you can easily add a gratitude ritual before or after the prayer.  If your family doesn't say prayers, this ritual can stand on its own.

We started a gratitude ritual in our family for two reasons.  First, A, my youngest son, who was about 10 at the time, had become increasingly negative.  A complained A LOT about EVERYTHING!  It was very frustrating.  Serendipitously, I was in yoga teacher training at the time and learning about the yamas and niyamas for the first time, and I was assigned to write a paper on Santosha (contentment).  Through this research and writing process I realized that Santosha was what our family needed so we began two new dinner rituals.  We call them "Good Thing" and "Looking Forward To."

Good Thing is when each of us tells something good from our day, essentially something we're grateful for.  J almost always says something about video games or food.  A often says something about the food, but sometimes he says something about his day.  C says something different every day.  My husband and I try to say something often about the kids or each other.  This gives us a chance to demonstrate gratitude in front of the kids every day!

We had to make a couple of rules.  Your good thing has to be something different than the day before.  It should be something from that day.  You can't just repeat what the person before you says.  It has to be positive and as specific as possible.

We start this ritual by asking, "What's your good thing today?"  We go in order of youngest to oldest.  When we have visitors, we ask them to participate as well.  This has been a blessing for our family and friends!

Here are some things our family and friends have said:

• time with family and friends
• time with Mom
• new friends
• winning a game
• playing well in a game
• being able to watch one of the kids play a game
• good food
• chicken
• pizza
• school/work being over
• feeling better
• waking up this morning
• breathing
• having someone else cook dinner

Looking Forward To is about hopefulness.  At the end of the meal, each person says what they're looking forward to that day or in the next few days.  J almost always says "sleep" or "freedom" (meaning he'll be able to leave the table and do something else or he'll be done with his chores).  Everyone else has a variety of responses.

We start this ritual by asking, "What are you looking forward to?"  Again, we go youngest to oldest.  The kids aren't allowed to leave the table until everyone answers, unless they're doing dishes.

We have had lots of different answers!

• Carowinds (an amusement park in Charlotte)
• hiking
• playing with friends
• going to Grammy's house
• holidays
• freedom
• snack
• Tony's Ice Cream
• Sweet Frog (for straight A's)
• cuddle time
• sleep
• the weekend

A still complains sometimes, but these rituals seem to have helped him.  They also bring our family closer and help us all remember the good things in our day.

2. Practicing Gratitude Throughout the Day

www.beleaderly.com/4-reasons-to-lead-with-gratitude

Practicing gratitude throughout the day is good for everyone.  It gives you lots of opportunities to demonstrate and teach gratitude.  There are three ways to start practicing gratitude.

1. Say your own gratitudes OUT LOUD and OFTEN.  We often don't realize how much time we spend complaining about the driver in front of us or the long lines.  Instead, look for opportunities to say you're thankful, especially if your kids are with you.  

• "That lady was really nice to let that man out onto the highway." Pointing out something nice done for someone else.
• Wave to the person who let you out and say "Thank You" out loud, even though the driver can't hear you. 
• Tell stories about times that people have done nice things for you throughout your day.
• Point out nice things that people do for you or others like holding the door  or letting you ahead in line.
• Thank people for doing their jobs.

2. Turn complaints into gratitudes.  When your child complains about something, see if you can get them to also say something good.  For example if he says, "I don't like Grammy's house because it's boring." You could ask about how she buys him special food he likes and other special things she does for him.  Don't let this turn into a battle, though.  If the child makes one complaint, you can tell one positive thing and then move on to something else.

3. Practice gratitude when they're happy.  Sometimes kids get stuck in the habit of only saying negative things.  You can lead them to positive things by asking open ended (not yes/no) questions:

• What was your favorite part of the activity?
• What nice things did you see people doing?
• What positive thing will you remember about today?

If you have multiple children, start with the one who is most likely to give you a positive answer or ask your spouse the question first and then go around and have everyone answer.

3.  Start a Gratitude Journal with Your Child

charlesngo.com/30daychallengegratitude

My gratitude journal changed my life!  I can look back and clearly see that when I started keeping a gratitude journal, my thought patterns changed.  Not only is this good for anxiety, it works for depression as well!

When my daughter C started showing signs of anxiety a couple of years ago, I started one with her and she has told me how much it has helped her.  She has kept her journal largely on her own.  I helped C set it up and gave her some helpful hints, but she does it on her own now.

Anxious kids need structure, but they also need to be allowed to "break the rules." If things are too structured, it can make them more anxious about trying to meet what they see as unreasonable expectations.  I gave C the basic outline for the journal, but was sure to tell her that she didn't need to do it every day.  I told her that the more she did it, the better she would feel, but if she was too tired or didn't feel like it, she should skip it.

The structure C uses has three parts

• Gratitude: 3 things I am grateful (thankful) for today
• Self Acknowledgement: 3 things I did well today
• Intention Setting: 1 intention for tomorrow

For the gratitude section, I encourage C to be specific.  Instead of saying, "Savannah" (our cat), maybe say something like, "Cuddling with Savannah because it makes me feel better." 

Self acknowledgement can be hard for anxious kids, but it's very powerful.  At first, I had to give her lots of examples and be sure to point out things she did well throughout the day.  Now that she's 13, she needs this pointed out less for her journal, but more for her self-esteem.  We also talk a lot about accepting a compliment even if you don't believe what the person is saying.  A compliment is a gift and denying the good thing the person is telling you as like throwing a gift in someone's face.  It's not nice.  If we can learn to hear the compliment and just say "Thank you," eventually, we can start to believe these good things about ourselves.

Intention setting seems to be easier for kids than adults.  Adults often try to turn this into a to do list, rather than a positive intention for the day.  C often writes things like 

• Say hi to a new person at school
• Try my best at Volleyball
• Be nicer to my brother
• Smile more

This journal can be very powerful for a child with anxiety or depression.  The parent may need to write it for the child at first, especially if the child is young.   The more control the child asserts over the journal, the more powerful it will be!

How do you teach your children about gratitude?  How has gratitude changed your life?